Dealing With Anxiety Caused By Family – Guest Post. | 12 Days of Christmas

Wairimu Serumaga is a personal development blogger who loves writing and imagining. She lives in Kampala, Uganda with her crazy family and even crazier pet dogs and cat. Check out her blog and her website or simply email her at; wairimuiswriting@gmail.com.

COPING WITH ANXIETY CAUSED BY FAMILY DURING THE HOLIDAYS.

Despite the different meanings of Christmas to people around the world, one thing is for sure; it’s the most exciting time of the year. Why not? It is the time to relax and finally buy that one pair of shoes we have wanted all year long, but most importantly; it is time for family.

Christmas is that time when we see cousins that live across the country, aunties that work abroad and relatives who just prefer to see us once a year. What happens though, when that one relative that can never seem to mind their own business pesters you about your child’s grades or the auntie who gets great joy criticising you and your life choices or your uncle who keeps suggesting various career options, come over. When all this happens, life can turn into a living hell with your anxiety and depression going through the roof.

The last thing we want to do is to be around these people, but we cannot avoid them forever because after all they are family. So instead of focusing on your auntie’s burning hatred for you or your nephew’s disturbing new haircut, concentrate on working on what you can control through the following ways.

IDENTIFY YOUR TRIGGERS.

The truth is the triggers of anxiety are vast. It could be the loud noise made by family members, endless questions asked, criticism or simply messes left behind by family. 

What matters most is discovering what sets of your anxiety because it is exhausting to fight a faceless enemy. Knowing your triggers gives you the advantage of preparing and planning ahead of time to avoid feeling overwhelmed the whole holiday season.

Take care, though, that you are not projecting. Projecting is when someone gets negative attributes that they do not like about themselves and attributes them to others. This can cause a strain on a relationship as a person is unable to understand your point of view.

BE ASSERTIVE AND COMMUNICATE.

In the world, the number of issues that would be solved through open communication is countless. Most times, we assume that our relatives are aware of the impact of their actions on us, but reality begs to differ. That’s why before jumping to conclusions, we need to be assertive and take action.

First, try to talk to that one person about your feelings taking care to use ‘I’ so that the person clearly understands your feelings. Take into consideration the other person’s feelings so that you can get your message across without necessarily hurting anyone. However, sometimes people fail to see your point of view, feel attacked, mock you or simply refuse to listen. It is okay, as long as you have done your part. The rest is theirs to deal with.

LIST THE RED PEOPLE AND THE GREEN PEOPLE.

Before a family event, it is important to group the relatives who are coming into those you can stand and those you cannot stand. It is advisable that you stay around the people who appreciate and uplift you rather than those who don’t.

Alternatively, there are those relatives we dread meeting, but we cannot avoid it. In this situation, identify them and plot ways of escaping when it gets overwhelming for you, for example, using hand signals to call for someone to interrupt the conversation and end it.

THINK AHEAD AND GET A SAFE SPOT.

If it does happen that the family event is at a place you are unfamiliar with. You need to play your cards right by scouting the place and finding a safe spot where you can disappear to and take a break from your family because, let’s face, sometimes they are a lot to handle.

BECOME PROACTIVE WITH YOUR FEELINGS.

The fact is we cannot control what other people do, think or feel, but we can control how we react to it. A certain degree of pain that is caused by others is actually caused by us because we give these people unnecessary power over us. Choose not to let your cousin’s stinging remark get to you or your sister’s bratty attitude ruin your day. You need to control your emotions by choosing what you let get to you and what to ignore.

DRAW YOUR BOUNDARIES AND STICK TO THEM.

Ultimately, the best way to control your triggers is to draw boundaries. Decide what can be discussed and what you refuse to discuss with your family. Be firm but polite and at first it will seem a bit harsh, but in the end when your family knows what zone to stay clear of and which zone is safe,  your relationships with them will drastically improve.

SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP.

No man is an island and sometimes we need more help than we can give ourselves. If every time there is a family gathering you feel like your world is ending, then maybe it is time to see a psychologist. 

Everyone wants to feel loved and safe with the people they love, but we are all just humans with flaws. The best we can do is learn to live with the shortcomings of those we love and try to focus on the positive, but if there is that one person who we can never seem to be comfortable around no matter what. A little distance has never killed anyone.